10th
Dr. Lorenz-isms
My professor last year had some of the best one-liners.
“It turns out they did like sports… Their sport was shooting each other.”
“I’m black, you’re in the Klan, and we get along and love each other.”
“That’s not treason, It’s war!!”
“She taunted us from Canada. I guess she threw doughnuts at us… Canadians are, well… I guess that’s how they taunt us.”
“All the problems in Iraq are the Brit’s fault…. We’ll teach them democracy.”
“I mean, the Muslims… They don’t drink… and we have a lot of Americans.”
“Tennessee was like the traitor to the cause.”
“Any Mexican could come and pick tomatoes. But if you were Polish, watch out!”
” ‘Who cares about National Security!? We’re making a killing!’ …And that’s what the oil companies have been doing ever since.”
“The trial was fatally tainted… Well, I shouldn’t say ‘fatally’, they did die after all.”
“Canadians are sort of boring.”
“Canada is where there is booze but not guns. Here its guns but not booze. We were balancing the trade.”
“He would have said, ‘Whites are smart. that’s why we are here.” And we would have been like, ‘Ooh… ‘*clap clap*”
“ITALIANS! THEY’RE TAKING OVER!! And it was like one guy making a pizza.”
“it was the right thing to do, but politically stupid. but that’s Herbert Hoover… what a looser.”
“He was dead, so it didn’t hurt him much.”
“I’m gonna buy a taho & drive to the mall… because that’s the frontier.”
“Oh, hi! I’m Teddy Roosevelt, and I’m giving away the bride at this here wedding!”
“Don’t get on that plane!! You don’t know what they’ll do to you…”
“It’s appropriate. It’s 100 days, and we have all of … 3 minutes.”
“Taco Bell… At least you’re thinking outside of the bun.”
“North Dakota… It’s about as hilly as this table… And you think this is cold!? This is like Florida!”
“We do have art - kind of, but not really - in Alma.”
“All of these people are unemployed and they’re paying them to do art!? That’s kind of worthless.”
“There couldn’t be more than one with a name like that…”
“California sort of spawns these people…”
“The Battle of Verdun was worse, but they’re French and we don’t care about them because they don’t speak English.”
“They’re Arab, they love dictators who are creeps.”
“We’re in the U.S. and the rest of the world is far away… and everyone else is incompetent.”
“Curse the French, our first all! Why weren’t the Brits our first ally!? …Oh, that’s right, we were at war with them.”
“I’ve been to his grave, just to make sure he was dead.”
“Everything Italians touch becomes crap…”
“What if Libya attacked us?”
“DL: It’s called Pomerania.
Me: Do they have pomegranates?”
“We already own Puerto Rico… We’ve got Guantanamo. There are terrorists there, but hey, free land!”
“She was a really mean old lady. And luckily she got what she deserved… She died.”
“It’s a right of passage to buy her book and dislike her.”
“That person lost my vote because my English professor would kill him.”
“This book is more important, because the Hitler Channel is biased.”
“Stalin killed more people than Hitler. But, he also had more people to work with… So, per capita they’re about even.”
“You guys have to live with modern war, unless someone drops the bomb on Alma.”
“This is why modern historians get mad at the Hitler Channel.”
“They want some real dorm storming - not where you hand out some literature and leave them alone. It’s where you kick the door down and drag him out… I support Gestapo tactics.”
“We could build a bomb… Lot’s of countries are looking for them… Iran for instance.”
“If you’re in the U.S. and don’t have bombs falling on you, or the red Baron shooting you, it’s all very romantic.”
“History is a great opportunity to do irrelevant things.”
“People ought to have the opportunity to do irrelevant things in your life.”
“You could replicate The Manhattan Projects… then you could call Iran.”
“Oh shoot, you need to be married with kids to get out og the draft… Well, that can be resolved in 9 months… and if you have a willing participant.”
“You’re not a loving father, you’re just a coward.”
“Stalin is the ultimate looser.”
“We’re having problems finding experts on Libya. I mean, I’m on the panel… at least I know where it is.”
“This is what happens when you make DVDs about fire bombing, the disc gets all fouled up.”
*Wheel of death appears* “Is this why apple is better than windows? They have a colorful wheel!?”
“It’s the fire bombing! It destroyed everything! Both the tape and the DVD were in the library at Dresden.”
“Those kids were obviously future Nazis. If we didn’t kill them now, we’d have to incinerate them later.”
“There’s a guy hiding in a cave, and we’re not too good at finding caves.”
“Osama hasn’t turned in his coordinates.”
“Some day we will be able to find creeps in caves.”
“It’s because you’ve become homeless and they don’t deliver mail to where you’re living in the park.”
“The test is about an hour. But, we take a break halfway through so the people that smoke can go get cancer.”
“The mammoth is alive!”
“I’m not trying to rush you, but there is nothing else to do.”
“These people will hate each other… HA HA HA!!”
“Bring in the strikebreakers, and I WILL WIN!!!!”
“Dr. Lorenz What’s a fink?”
Niki: It’s a weasel.
Dr. Lorenz: No, that’s a mink.”
“Forget the weasel thing. It’s not on the test…”
“Let’s do it in September. Everyone will eat a hot dog instead of rioting against their employers.”
“They’re known for blowing things up… one governor of Idaho, for example.”
“Mississippi… it’s an anti-labor paradise.”
“So, I’m going to live down in a basement for a month with these people eating lima beans!? And this is better than getting blown up by a bomb!?”
“So, there you were, teacher-less, eating lima beans in the basement of the school.”
“Why would you want to be the last one on the block? You could bury your neighbor? …Actually, you wouldn’t have yo bury them anyway, because they would have been like… *poof*.”
“That guy is just a harmless weird guy back in a trailer somewhere with a bunch of guns.”
“It’s interesting, the role philosophers played in the war… Because they’re kind of useless.”
“Every time you’d buy Ford’s cars, you’d get a free subscription to his anti-Semitic newspaper. Now, you get free Sirius radio…”
Best. Class. Ever.
LONG BUT SO WORTH IT. THIS GUY IS MY FAVORITE.
